The Book of Eli

I broke a promise to myself this weekend. It’s getting to be a habit with me. I promised myself I wouldn’t pay to see any Hollywood produced movies in the movie theater. I’m just so sick of the “Leftist” “America is bad” ”Belief in God is for the mentally insane” story lines. But, this weekend my wife and daughter begged to go see “The Book of Eli” starring Denzel Washington. You know, Dr. Philip Chandler, from “St. Elsewhere.” I had read some favorable reviews of “The Book of Eli” and decided to tag along with my wife and daughter. After all where else can I gorge myself with a 5 pound box of Dots and not have people stare at me or feel bad about it.

So, here’s the premise of the story line:
1. Denzel’s character Eli, is on a mission from God to deliver a book, well, The Book. He doesn’t know to who or where, but knows he must move West. So, for 30 years he’s been walking West and hacking-up anyone that gets in his way.

2. Gary Oldman plays the evil “Carneigie“ who rules a town full of killers. His main quest is to find a copy of “The Book” that Eli just happens to have as he strolls through Carnegie’s town. Carneigie is older and knows the power he could weald over people if he had “The Book.” He could make Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson and Jim Jones look like amateurs.

3. The scenes of the movie take place in a “post appoctoliptic’ world that was destroyed 30 or so years ago evidently in a war caused by ‘The Book.”

4. After the war, all copies of “The Book” were destroyed because of its danger.

This movie had great actors, a great story line and I absolutely loved how it was filmed. Oh, and my box of Dots was wonderful. But, there were so glaring holes in the premise.

1. 30 years of walking? Really? 30 years? Even with a bad limp he could have walked from the East Coast to the West Coast in a couple of months. Didn’t fur trappers do it all the time a hundred and fifty years ago?

2. Why did Carneigie wait 30 years for a copy of “The Book?” Why didn’t he do like those before him have done, write your own book.

Look, all I’m saying, is, take a pen, some paper and start writing whatever pops into your head no matter how wacky the ideas are. Just like David Koresh, Muhammad, Joseph Smith, Rev. Sun Myung Moon, L. Ron Hubbard or the leader of any communist/socialist country. I also understand Barack Obama is into writing.
Just make something up, some people will believe it. The ones that don’t believe it, well, you can follow the above list of people and, lock them in compound, cut their heads off, take everything they own, take everyone they love and sue them in court after taking everything they own.

I mean, no conniving despot worth a grain of salt would wait 30 years for a book. Despots are people of action, they, “don’t need no stinking book” to rape, plunder, not bathe and chew with their mouths open (a true sign of a despot). They’re despots, they excel at those conniving activities. That in its self blew the whole movie for me. Okay, that and the 30 year cross country meanderings of Eli. Did he get side tracked? Did he drop in on relatives in San Antonio and stay for dinner?
Although, I must admit, he did beat Moses by 10 years.

Like I wrote at the beginning, I enjoyed the movie. It’s a great story with great action and a great ending. But, as usual the writers, producers, and directors took a great story and managed to screw it up just enough to ruin.

All it needed were some blue, 15 foot tall characters and my entire box of Dots would have ended up on the floor.